this one is hard to write (and its looonnnggg)…

…and i really don’t want to upset anyone, especially my mom, whom i love like crazy even though we drive each other crazy, and who was a total lifesaver for our family this summer.

But i’ve been reading the comments and i feel like i’ve probably given y’all the wrong idea. its not at all clear to us whether emmett actually bonded to my mom this summer. we would be thrilled if that were the case, precisely for the reason you said…because it would show us that he is able to form an attachment with someone, giving us hope that he might someday be able to form an attachment to us. But what it seems to be the reality is that emmett likes attention (naturally), no matter who is giving it to him. he smiles and laughs at me when i interact with him (when he is in a good mood), just like he does with my mom, just like he does with my friends, just like he does with strangers. when he is upset, he likes (sometimes) to be held, by me or my mom or anyone else (which believe me, was a heartbreaker after i had spent pretty much every minute holding him during the first few months he was home and had driven myself beyond the brink of exhaustion trying to do everything for him and not letting others hold him as much as possible. eventually i learned, for the sake of my sanity and the well-being of our other children, that i had to let others help care for him). Other times when he is upset, he cannot be consoled by anyone.

this summer emmett cried a good deal less than normal (except at night, which involved as much crying as ever), which made us all happier, because my mom held and interacted with emmett a lot, while mike (when he was home) played with noah and sawyer, and i took care of silas. now that my mom is gone, time with every child is decreased as the math would dictate. as a result, everyone cries more. but emmett especially misses the constant attention. i think i’ve said before that emmett would love to be the only child :). when silas cries, he is easily consoled…by nursing if nothing else. the older boys you can talk out of being upset (ummm, usually).

so what have we done about these attachment issues? we have a social worker assigned to our family through the early intervention program – she’s available to talk whenever we need to. I have friends (especially sarah- love you!) who has listened to me cry about this more times than i can count. it is a leading topic of discussion between mike and i. we discuss the lack of attachement with every therapist and medical specialist that emmett sees, and we’ve seen a developmental pediatrician as well. no one seems very confident that he actually has the capability to form emotional attachments with others. of course, we do have that capability, and so that’s what we focus on. i do think that seeing a specialist in adoption issues would be helpful, and we plan on looking into that when we get back to the states.

on the developmental side, emmett sees therapists on a weekly basis through the early intervention program, and has done since we’ve been home. we have sue, our physical therapist, and libby, our speech pathologist/feeding specialist. they don’t think he’s ready for occupational therapy. once we get to america, we’ll see what the early intervention people think he needs there, although it looks like we’ll be seeing a feeding therapist three times weekly, in addition to whatever else.

i know we’re still in the grieving process about all of this, even though its now been a year. i don’t cry or get angry about it every day like i used to. most of the time i feel like i’ve even come to a place of acceptance about the way that our life is now, although when we’re thrown for a loop with something new (like getting our pcs orders denied due to emmett’s needs), the anger and depression come back with a vengence.

most of all, i try to not think about the future too much. we’ve been burned time and time again this year with getting our hopes up about emmett being able to do this or to do that, and then having our hopes dashed. we don’t know if he will ever walk, or ever talk, or ever be potty trained, or ever be able to even live in a group home. we don’t know the extent of his mental disabilities, except that they seem severe. we try to live in the now, which is what the Lord wants us to do anyway, right?

maybe mike would like to write about his perspective on this – i’ll ask him.

Edited to add:

please, please don’t think I’m mad or upset about any of the comments on the last post – because i am so not. I just thought i would clarify some stuff. Just to add after Sarah’s comment, he has had an MRI of his brain, and the results were completely normal, so no answers there, or in any of the genetic testing he’s had.

Emmett’s last surgery…and then this post gets depressing

…(at least for the time being) will be tomorrow, as he undergoes the second stage of his hypospadias repair.

By now Emmett is pretty old hat at general anesthesia. Still, we’d appreciate your prayers that things will go smoothly, and that if possible, he might be able to actually come home tomorrow, and spare Mike and him having to spend the night in the hospital.

We are so not looking forward to the aftercare for this surgery – the catheter that will stay in for a week, the double diapering, the medications. I mean, really not. But we are looking forward to being done with surgeries for a while. At the peg tube surgeon’s office last week, he told me that he’ll probably have to have his tube replaced every year or so, and at some point in his teens, he may need valve surgery for his heart, but really, his medical problems will be totally fixed after tomorrow.

Now if only they had surgeries to fix all the non-medical stuff – that would be awesome.

We don’t do developmental updates for Emmett on this blog very often because its really depressing, and Mike and I just try not to think about his mental and developmental disabilities as much as possible. But here’s where he’s at (he is 17 months old, and it has been a year since we met him (well, a year and 5 days):

• he is working on sitting – he can totally do it, until he forgets what he’s doing or gets upset, and then falls over backwards
• if he is placed on his tummy, he can get up on all 4’s and rock back and forth
• he will reach for things, although he still doesn’t really grasp objects
• he is actually interested in baby toys
• he will usually take a few bites of baby food at a sitting – and will sometimes eat half a jar
• he doesn’t drink any liquids – he has lost the ability to suck a bottle, and won’t take a cup. All liquids go through his tube
• he doesn’t seem to understand anything we say, or respond to different facial expressions or tones of voice…well, I take that back. If you smile at him, he’ll smile back if he’s in a good mood. But if you try to get him to NOT do something by telling him NO! in a stern voice with a mad face, he doesn’t even react. He will turn to you if you say his name, but then he’ll do that if you call out another random name too.
• he still scratches himself incessently, and will totally mutilate himself if given the chance. He has to either wear long pants, socks, and a onesie (so he cant get to his abdomen), or wear socks on his hands. Part of his problem seems to be actual itchiness, and part seems to be habit or something neurological – he’ll scratch whoever is holding him too. This will obviously be a bigger problem at our next assignment than here in England, where long pants in the summer are the norm. Also, what to do after he grows out of 18-24 month clothes? Isn’t that the end of the onesies?
• he still has no self soothing skills, so its really hard for him to calm down if he gets upset, and usually requires intervention on our part
• on most nights, he will wake up at some point and become hysterical. Because he can’t calm himself, this is particularly not fun, and usually requires hours of work to put him back to sleep.
• he doesn’t sleep as much as most children – he is awake at least some portion of every night, and doesn’t nap consistently during the day
• he spends most of the time he’s in his crib beating his legs on the crib mattress. He does this awake and asleep.

Thats about it. He does make progress developmentally – just not at anything approaching a normal pace. And I think I’ve said this before, but all of his issues don’t bother me nearly as much as the lack of an emotional attachment he has towards us. I really believe that we could bring him to total strangers, and as long as we told them what he likes and dislikes, and how to take care of him, he would not even notice our absence. In fact, he has stayed with friends overnight early this spring while Mike and I went to London, with no complaints from him. As long as people are nice to him, hold him when he’s upset and meet his physical needs, he’s good to go.

Of course this does have some upside: my mom has been doing the lion’s share of taking care of him this summer while she’s been here, especially since we’ve had Silas but also in the beginning of the summer when Mike and I were completely burned out, and he adjusted to that immediately; he also does great at the child-minders and has done since day 1. And in fact, its probably made this summer a whole lot easier, because how would we manage with Silas if Emmett only wanted me, all the time? Umm, because Silas? Silas would nurse 24 hours a day if my, ahem, ladies could handle it.

But its hard knowing that your son doesn’t prefer you to anyone else.

Ok, I warned you it would be depressing, didn’t I? Lets not do another developmental update for a good long while, hmmm?

A happy baby

Just before we left the hospital yesterday, Emmett and I saw the community liaison nurse who met us after our first surgery.  It made me think of how much has happenned since then and how we have changed our outlook since then.  E has been with us now for a little more than 6 months, longer than he lived in the orphanage.  Since he came home with us he has had 4 separate surgeries which add up to a little less than a month of hospitalization. 

He will still need one more surgery on his privates, but the one just accomplished should help keep him from getting another bladder/kidney infection.  With that said, it seems like most of his physical issues are settling down, which brings us to the developmental stuff.

We still have no news on the genetic testing front.  The developmental pediatrician is not pleased with his developmental changes.  Here is a rundown of what he has learned in the last 6 months:

Roll over (in one direction he only goes halfway and back)

Put his hands together

Make eye contact

Laughs and smiles

Blow raspberries

Refuse food

He’s working on sitting, slowly but surely.  That’s going to take a setback with this surgery, but I think it will happen eventually.  We still have hope that he won’t be stuck as a 6 month old baby for the rest of his life, but it is always in the back of our minds because he has developed so little.  I have decided that I am not going to base my future happiness on whether or not he achieves this or that developmental milestone.  I still have hopes and dreams for Emmett, just like I do for all my boys, but I feel like my realistic expectation has gone way down.

Which brings me to this.  He is a much happier baby since he got his PEG tube put in.  He seems to have a better time with his brothers and enjoys being in public.  Hopefully he gets to the point of being able to communicate with us at some point, but for now, a smile is very nice.

yes, a rough week

Holly was right, it WAS a rough week. Sorry I go so long between postings – days tend to run together here, and I’m not sure how much y’all really want to know about ER visits, NG tubes, and vomiting. Oh, the vomiting is never-ending.

For right now, though, he’s doing okay-ish. He’s stalled out on his weight gain, which is not suprising considering all the VOMITING, but hasn’t lost any ground. We’ve increased the frequency of his feedings during the day to lower the amount he gets at each feed, and that seems to help a little. What does not seem to be helping is the new formula they have him on, which is a hypoallergenic formula, stinks to high heaven, is thick enough to not want to go down the tube easily, and costs a whopping $26 per small can. So we’ll finish out what we have of that, and hopefully go back to the regular formula, because I think we can safely say that he does not have a milk allergy.

ANYWAY, this week is also half-term for British schools, which has meant that O has been off of school all week. Which has actually been really nice. Its nice when he’s in school, too, because Y is MUCH better behaved when O is not around, but the school run in the mornings and afternoons is such a drag. All this being on time and everything…I really don’t know what we’ll do when we get back to America, where schools start insanely early, because we have a lot of trouble getting him there for the start of school at 9. Of course, in America they have this great thing where you can drop your kid off at the front of the school, right? Here in England, you must deliver your child to and pick him up from his classroom door. Which means all 3 of my kids have to go to the classroom door. Which means that it is really just as easy to walk from our house to school as drive (what with getting the kids into and out of the car, and finding a place to park). Which is all well and good, but it is COLD here people. In the 30s last night. And I don’t do outside in the cold well. Again, ANYWAY, the whole point of this whole rambling paragraph is that its been nice this week to have O home, most importantly because I miss my boy when he’s gone.

The real reason I’m writing today is to get some advice: I am about to order a sign from Hope Studios for Emmett. I’m also ordering some Alphabet tiles for O (Y already has a cool name sign, and I want to do something different for each child). So I’m planning on getting 2 for Emmett – they’ll hang side by side, and one will have a quote from Shel Silverstein that I love (listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. LIsten to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me…Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.), and the other…well, that’s what I need help with. Here’s what I’m thinking of it saying:

Emmett Hoang

His story began on March 25, 2008, in the province of Vung Tau, Vietnam. A new chapter began on August 20, 2008, as we became a part of his story. And as each page unfolds, as our stories become one, our love grows.

This plaque will have the place for the photo on it. So what do y’all think? Too cheesy? I don’t want to give a birth date, as we don’t really have one, only the day he entered the orphanage. And I want to include the day he became our son. And I want it to somehow express our love for him. Can you think of a better way to put all this? Please let me know ASAP if you have any ideas!

And thank you so much, Dana, for the offer of your car! Such generosity blows me away! Thankfully, we FINALLY have our car back!

You guys are the greatest!

One Surgery Down

Well, E is done with his first surgery and we are now in the ICU.  He is on some morphine for the pain, which makes it a little more tolerable.  First things first.

The surgery went pretty well.  We had to wait an extra 4 hours to get started because the surgery before ours had some complications that made it run long.  E was happy as a clam going into the surgery room.  Obviously he had no idea what he was getting into.  The whole thing took about 3 1/2 hours and they did several things.  First, they looked at his intestines, found the malrotation they thought was there, and rearranged them back in the right place.  Apparently the doudenum was all jumbled up, so it is good that the doctors decided that surgery was the way to go.  While they were doing this they took out his appendix, so nobody will be confused on whether he is having appendicitis or complications due to the surgery later on down the line.  So he has a 4 inch lateral incision on his stomach above his belly button.

After they got done with that part, the surgeons used an endoscope to look down his throat and stomach with the intention on putting a g-tube in.  However, his stomach was smaller than normal, increasing the risk of placing the tube, plus they didn’t see any evidence of reflux or other problems on that end, so they were debating whether to even put in the tube because they thought the feeding problems could possibly be caused by his intestines causing his stomach to empty slowly.  While they were talking about that, there was a “blip” in the anesthesia (I’m not sure what that means exactly), so they decided to just finish up and wake him up.  Apparently the “blip” was not serious, so that’s good.

So after the surgery he came up to the PICU where Ren and I have been keeping him company.  When his morphine wears off he wakes up in a lot of pain but he is asleep now.  They are going to have to put in another IV line because he just blew one in his right hand.  It was swollen pretty badly before Ren noticed it and the nurse was a little freaked out, but the Dr here said it would be fine and it returned to pink within a few minutes after they took off all the stuff.  Still, one more thing that E is dealing with.

Hopefully we can go back to the regular Peds ward tomorrow, where we will probably stay for a week or so.  Since we don’t have the G tube in, we’ll have to use the one through his nose for now.  I think they would send us home like that, but hopefully E’s finds his appetite so we can avoid any more unpleasantness. 

Thanks so much to everybody for your prayers and thoughtful posts, emails, and phone calls.  Praise God for giving the surgical team the skill and wisdom to fix our boy’s tummy.  We will try to keep you posted as we continue on with our adventures.

EDITED TO ADD: Hey, ren here…I just also wanted to say thank you thank you thank you so much to everyone who has been praying for Emmett. And to ask you to continue to pray – the surgeon had to do a lot of repair work in his abdomen, and the more he did, the higher the risk for adhesions becomes. About the same risk of forming adhesions after a raging appendicitis, the doc told us. So please, please don’t stop praying – the next couple of weeks will be crucial. And please pray especially the next few days, as he is not out of the woods in terms of how his heart will react to this surgery – as the anesthesiologist explained it to me, he’ll be having fluid shifts in his body as a result of the surgery, putting further strain on his heart.

But laying the negativity aside, I am so grateful to God for getting Emmett to this point. This morning both the anesthesiologist and the surgeon were telling me they didn’t want to do this surgery because it was such a risk due to his heart, but that they had to do it. I consider it a miracle that he made it through today. I also consider it a miracle that Mike and I made it through the day 🙂 . Now we ask the Lord to continue blessing this child.

a request

Hey everyone – I just wanted to give y’all an update on what’s happening with Emmett, and make an important request.

On Monday we were told that the whole question on an intestinal malrotation had been laid to rest. Well, as it turns out, not so much. On Wednesday, Emmett’s doctor, after multiple consultations with pediatric surgeons and radiologists both here and back in the states, decided it would be best to move Emmett to Adenbrooke’s Hospital in Cambridge, so that they could evaluate him. And after reviewing everything, the pediatric surgeon there has decided it is necessary to do open abdominal surgery to fix the malrotation.

So Emmett will undergo this surgery on Monday, hopefully midmorning. During the surgery the doctor will also place a gastrotomy tube (or peg tube), which is a more permanent feeding support system than the nasogastric tube Emmett has now. With all of his upcoming surgeries, in addition to his current feeding issues, everyone feels like this is the best choice for him.

So here’s what we need: PRAYER. Please pray for Emmett. Please pass this message along to whomever you think will pray for him. Feel free to link to this entry, if you’d like. But please pray for this little boy.

Here are some prayer suggestions:

1. That Emmett will make it through the surgery, first and foremost. It is expected to last about 3 hours, if everything goes well and there are no complications.
2. For Emmett’s surgeon (his name is Mr. Brain…seriously), that he would be granted wisdom and sure and steady hands.
3. That Emmett won’t face any operative or postoperative complications: the 3 biggest ones being infection, blood loss, and most importantly, adhesions following the surgery. The risk of adhesions that would necessitate emergency bowel surgery is about 10%, a number way higher than I’m comfortable with.
4. That following surgery, he and his GI tract would heal quickly, so that he can start being fed again, and so that we can leave the hospital (can I insert that English hospitals are not nearly as comfortable as American ones?).
5. That his pain will be well controlled, post-operatively.

Again, his surgery will happen midmorning England-time on Monday, which is 6 hours ahead of Central time in the US. So if they start at 10, that would be 4 in the morning for most of y’all, 5 am if you’re on the East Coast. If there is any way that it would work for you to pray for him at that time, please do. If you can’t wake up that early, please pray for him before you go to sleep on Sunday night.

Please pray – he has so much left to face if he can pull through this, but this is the first step. And as Mike said in the last post, we know that the Lord is watching over this child, and loves him more than we ever could. We have witnessed His hand working in this situation, and pray that He would continue to bless Emmett.

In Hospital

Hey everyone, I wanted to put some information out to you all so you can do what you do best–encourage and pray.  Since my last post Ren’s friend J arrived and has been a blessing in so many ways.  With her help we were able to give all three of our boys the attention they needed and start really bonding with E.  I’ll try to give you a recap later in the post, but the important thing to know is that E’s already finicky eating took a radical downturn over the weekend.  He would start retching nearly every time we offered him a bottle and really only took one well when he was asleep.  He was still making wet diapers when we brought him into the pediatrician this morning.  He had lost 3 ounces over the weekend, and the Dr thought it best to admit him into the hospital and put a feeding tube in before it got any worse and he got dehydrated.

This came after an up and down week.  We saw the urologist on Thursday and he said that E would need at least 2 surgeries 6 months apart to correct the problems with his penis/shortened urethra.  I don’t feel like getting into to much more detail, but if everything goes well he should have fully functioning equipment at some point.  We saw the skin guy on Friday and he gave us some creams for E’s skin and scalp, which should hopefully help him with his itching.  He said the birthmark on the back of his head is nothing to be concerned about now, but should be removed before adolescence because it could become cancerous.  So that makes 4 surgeries if you count one heart surgery.

Then came today.  We knew he wasn’t eating enough, which is why we brought him into the Dr in the first place.  It was a little unexpected to be admitted into the hospital.  We are in the hospital on base and Ren and J are spending the night there with E while I took the O and Y home to bed.  The staff at the hospital is being very regimented with the feedings and weighing diapers to ensure his digestive system is actually working correctly.  On that note, we did actually have some good news today.

1. The radiologist(s) did an upper GI study on Friday and a lower GI study today.  After conferring with their head guy in San Antonio, they decided that E’s abnormality in his small intestine was not a big issue because he has the right stuff further down the line which should keep it from getting twisted (Ren knows all the anatomic words if you need to know).  Anyway, they are pretty sure they won’t do surgery on his digestive system and that it is flowing correctly.

2. The results from the FISH test came back negative for DiGeorge syndrome.  E has all his chromosomes and does not have the markers for that specific syndrome.  That being said, the Pediatrician is trying to get our appointment with the geneticist moved up because he is fairly certain there is something going on and it would be good to know what it is.  Apparently you can’t just run every test in the book on his DNA.  I guess this stuff is more like a treasure hunt than a virus scan on your computer.

3. They were worried that his feeding problems were being caused by hydrocephalus, but after two brain ultrasounds have pretty much ruled that out.  Whatever it is, his brain looked fine on the ultrasound (which really doesn’t tell a lot, but it’s something)

For those of you with faith, I encourage you to pray specifically for these things:

That E will grow in the hospital, and that we will determine whatever is causing him to reject the feedings.  In order for him to get better, he needs to start eating.

That Ren and I will have peace about the situation and its uncertainties.  Pray for our faith to hold strong, for us to accept and weather the trials of this time and the future. 

That E will bond with us and us with him.  It is surprising how easy it is to see him as a bunch of symptoms or a riddle to be solved.  He is our precious little baby boy, and no matter what happens, the love we have for him is unconditional.

For those of you who question a benevolent God in light of the situation, consider:

Ren and I might not have started down the path to adopting E if we had known his whole health problems.  But what better place for this baby at this time than a family with free health care, a steady job, and a supportive home and work environment.

When E’s approval came from USCIS, I was on an exercise in eastern Europe and scheduled to deploy to the war in 3 weeks.  In a flurry of activity, I was replaced on the exercise, flew home, and flew to Vietnam in less than a week.  This enabled E to get an IR-3 visa and get his citizenship/passport to come to the UK and get started with the help he needed.  If any of this had gone differently, imagine the difficulty of the situation.

I was pulled home from my ensuing deployment for the abdominal surgery that didn’t happen, only to be here just in time for this current situation.  Apart, Ren and I were near the end of our ropes, but now we are together and doing what needs to be done.

Today, E was very fussy during the first 2 1/2 feedings he had with the feeding tube.  During a break in the 3rd feeding, our Chaplain was there and prayed for E.  During the rest of the feeding I held him and just about everyone else was in the hallway, but he was calm and looking into my eyes as I sang to him.  My first thought was that it was the way I was holding him or because it was my singing or my smell.  It didn’t occur to me until later that it was immediately after we prayed that E actually accepted the food.

The bottom line is that it is about God.  His perfect plan and His perfect timing is easy to see if we look.

Answers to prayer

Well, I got back to London Sunday to good news.  Ren informed me that the night previous, the Dr at the hospital they were staying at performed another barium upper GI study and decided there wasn’t a malrotation of E’s small intestine.  He noticed something, but apparently it did not warrant surgery and they decided Ren and E could go home.  I think they may redo the study at a later date, but it is not a pressing issue right now.

So praise God for His infinite grace and mercy.  Ren and I are starting to come to grips with what we are dealing with.  There is so much that we do and don’t know, but we take it one day at a time and trust that God’s plan will work our for good.

So here is an update on E: (disclaimer – Ren still needs to edit the info below)

HEART: He has been diagnosed with tetralogy of fallot, which is a more serious problem than the previous cardiologist in Vietnam had told us about.  He will require surgery to correct this, most likely when he is 9-12 months old (Dec-Mar).

CHROMOSOMAL ABNORMALITY: We should get the results back from the FISH (sp?) test next week.  Most of the Dr’s agree that he probably has a chromosome 22 defect, possibly DiGeorge Syndrome.  If we get some kind of news on this front it may give us an idea of what to expect in the future.

DIGESTIVE TRACT: Probably nothing serious here, but the Pediatrician has prescribed Zantac to try to prevent vomitting, which has been ocurring more regularly and is why he had the barium study in the first place.  We are also going to try to start him on rice cereal since he has a very weak suck and generally hates to take a bottle.  He is still gaining weight (5.3 kg last week), but not very fast.  The bigger he gets the easier the heart surgery will be.

KIDNEYS AND URINARY TRACT: We see the urologist on Thursday.  Hopefully he can give us an idea if E’s penis will require surgery or if it is something that may correct on it’s own.  The contrast study of his urinary system showed that there was no reflux but that his kidneys were swollen.  Not a lot of news on this front.

SKIN: He will see the dermatoligist Friday about a birthmark that is off center on the back of his head and a large patch of exema on the top of his head.  His skin looks much better each week.  Due to the location of the birthmark, the pediatrician doesn’t think it is related to the rest of his issues.

BRAIN/DEVELOPMENT: We saw the early intervention specialists today and E was way below where a 6 month old should be in every category except communication (he was very talkative).  We will get home visits from them once a week to help with therapy/ideas to help him develop and refine skills.  We haven’t really seen anything concrete that links mental retardation with the syndromes that the dr’s suspect, but people with DiGeorge syndrome have a high liklihood of Schizophrenia later in life.  We don’t really know anything about his brain other than that he is delayed and it can’t be blamed on spending the first 5 months of his life in an orphanage because the other kids in the same orphanage don’t have the same problems.

That’s about it.  We will try to put new information out as we get it.  The biggest thing right now is trying to get E to eat and put on some weight.  Now that I am home hopefully that will help the situation.  We love you all and thank you for the words of encouragement and prayers.

M

Surgery?

Hey everybody.  I’ve got a few minutes here because I’m waiting for a plane to bring me home tomorrow.  Ren has been in the hospital with E since Friday because the barium test they did that morning showed a malformed small intestine.  It is not blocked/twisted, but they did another test today and will probably do surgery tomorrow to correct it since it has the potential to become blocked easily, which is very bad.

Anyway, I am on the way home on emergency leave.  I am about halfway home waiting for my flight to take me to London, which leaves tomorrow morning.  I hope I’ll make it back in time for the surgery.  Please pray that E stays healthy and that the doctors can give him the help that he needs to continue to grow.  I will try to post again soon with any updates, but we will be spending a lot of time out of the house over the next few days.

Overwhelmed

I often find myself feeling overwhelmed these days…overwhelmed by all the doctor’s visits, overwhelmed by the bad news that accompanies said visits, overwhelmed by the needs of this child whom I love who has so many problems, overwhelmed by the sadness and anger of my former “baby boy”, now our “middle”, who is just not receiving the attention he needs.

Tonight I am overwhelmed for a different reason – one of my closest friends, Jennifer, who has four kids of her own, is taking time out from her crazy life to come help me with mine. This wouldn’t be possible without the help of another dear friend, Holly, who will be stepping in to take care of Jen’s kids while she’s here. These girls have been friends of mine from high school, and are, along with Jeannie, Carol, Jason, Chris, Laura, Jeff (and the rest of the gang), the reason that Mississippi will always be my home. How could it be any other way with friends like these? I am overhwelmed by this act of generosity. Thanks, ladies (as big fat tears roll down my cheeks).

My mom is also planning to come for 2 weeks in October, and I am really hoping that Mike’s mom can come for at least a week.

We may just make it until Mike comes home 🙂 .

Of course, we wouldn’t have made it this far without the above and beyond help of my friends Sarah, Hang, Margaret, Colleen, Courtney, Beth, and others, who have cared for O and Y, slept over to help with Emmett, watched Kodi, cooked our meals, even cleaned my house, and most importantly, have listened to me vent (a lot) about this whole situation. These ladies truly embody the term “military family”.

And then of course there’s my friends from Florida, Beth, Nora, Britta, Lauren, and Carolyn, whom I love like sisters, providing moral support from a continent away.

Then there’s the rest of you – women that I’ve never met, but whom I consider friends, and who understand a lot of the issues here related to international adoption, as well as motherhood in general, all too well. I owe you guys big, fat frozen boat drinks.

I think overwhelmed is the perfect word.