silly girls…

…I’m ALREADY on the happy pills. Although apparently not on a very effective dose, hey?

Seriously, I started on Zoloft the day after I had Silas, after being continously advised to by every single practitioner in the OB clinic. Mike and I had agreed that although I was on a really low dose (50mg), that we both felt like I was doing ok, and didn’t need to go up to 100mg like the docs recommended.

I started the 100mg dose last night. And although its clear that my main problem is crazy-insane-over-the-top anxiety, anxiety that I really struggle with every. single. day, and zoloft isn’t the best for anxiety, it is clearly the safest for a breastfeeding mama. After I’m done breastfeeding, I’ll look into something that works better.

For today, after worrying a couple of hours this morning about something that happened 2 years ago that might affect my health in the future but cannot be changed now, I have decided that I am done with this bullpoop (until the next time the monkey on my back gets the better of me).

Today I choose to enjoy my life, the life that I dearly love.

Tonight our friends are throwing us a goodbye party – already there is a boucy castle on the common green outside our house just waiting to be inflated and filled with all of our children. There is a lot of meat sitting in my fridge that a friend dropped off yesterday (because everyone knows I always have room in my fridge). There is margarita mix stored in another friend’s freezer. There is cold beer on the way.

And I WILL NOT LET THE KRAZY DESTROY MY NIGHT! I will let the Lord who loves me take care of everything.

Wish you were all here!

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9 Comments

Filed under health issues, life in england, military life

9 responses to “silly girls…

  1. Beth

    I didn’t like Zoloft a lot either. Celexa or Wellbutrin are good for anxiety. 🙂

    Have fun at the going away party! I know you’re going to miss your friends there. You’ve got a great support group. But I’m so excited to get you back here! And we (the ones who are left) are waiting to help you out.

    I’m praying for you…for peace, and healing, and reprieve from the worry. Love you!

  2. Jennifer

    Will they let you add Wellbutrin while nursing? The SSRI’s alone aren’t typically going to be super great for anxiety, plus they tend to totally destroy any sex drive you might possibly have. Adding Wellbutrin with an SSRI can work wonders though, both for anxiety and sex drive. I don’t remember if it’s something they’ll give nursing moms though. They will get it to pregnant moms, but nursing sometimes has different rules.

    After you’re done nursing, I would suggest Lexapro and Wellbutrin together. I don’t know anybody that’s used both together and not been very happy with the results.

  3. Jeannie

    I’ll toast one to your relaxed, happy state tonight. I love you!

    • I’m still amazed at how you put your kids first and juggle so much, emotionally and otherwise. I’d be on a heck of a lot more than Zoloft in your shoes!

      In the grand scheme, I bet Silas would prefer a happy, calm, at-peace mama to an anxious/depressed one who breastfeeds him. I’d choose a positive mental state for myself over breastmilk for my kid too, and I don’t think you should feel badly about that. From a mom who loved the breastfeeding experience, I have to admit that formula is not that bad;) I can imagine it would have been really disappointing to me, personally, if I had not had the opportunity to breastfeed Finley, but I think you deserve to put yourself first for a change and let go of the guilt. It’ll probably be better for the kids in the long-run anyhow. Just consider it for me;)

      I hope you had a BLAST at your party…sounded like it was shaping up to be an awesome night.

  4. SO sorry about the krazy. Here’s to hoping the soul-suckingness doesn’t ruin your goodbye party. I remember those parties so well! So sad, but also SUCH A BLAST.

  5. nora

    Wish we could be there to celebrate with you (of course, not the goodbye-the welcome back to driving distance away from me-hello party) I am sure you will be leaving behind some wonderful friends as you were somebody I never wanted to say goodbye to either. You will be missed greatly I am sure…

  6. Britta

    Hey- I am so glad you are coming back to the states- then you will have poenty of free time to sit on the phone at night and talk right? hahahaha I was told by my OB that you can take it during pregnancy and afterward. It is great for anxiety issues…. maybe you need to make the switch! Hang in there- there is a flicker of light somewhere down that tunnel.

  7. Beth

    I hope you made it safely back in the States. Give me a call when you can. I have to fly to Texas for a funeral, so I won’t be home until Sunday. Can’t wait to see you!!!

  8. Beth

    Give me a call!! 850-712-3615

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