We made it back to Saigon today from Vung Tau. And although Vung Tau is absolutely gorgeous, we are glad to be back due to the fact that we shared our hotel room last night with LOTS of roaches. Big ones. Big Fast ones. And I hate roaches. A Lot.
Anyhow, when we got back, we went directly to the VN passport office to apply for Emmett’s passport. Supposedly it’ll be ready tomorrow. Then Hunky leaves on Saturday while I fly with our agency rep to Hanoi. And I can’t say that I’ll really be sorry to leave Saigon either. I’m sure there are nice parts of the city – but we are not in one of them. Our hotel is perfectly nice, and only $35 per night, but the section of town is kinda shady. Oh, and what everyone says about the traffic in VN is true. Trying to cross a street today literally made me cry. Umm, part of the crying may be due to the stress of this situation, the jet lag, the fact that I didn’t sleep last night, and because I’m a big cryer anyway, but still: crossing the street here seems like asking to die a horrible death. I will say that the people all seem perfectly nice – even more so now that we have Emmett. Moving on…
So, the stress…everyone and their mother knows that I am a worrier by nature. I struggle with worry every day. And I would say that this situation falls into one of the top 5 most stressful situations I’ve ever been in. I feel pretty blindsided by the condition that Emmett is in – both the additional problems he has that we were never informed about, how thin he is (I can feel every bone on his body perfectly), and just how developmentally delayed he appears. Apparently he was hospitalized for a while before we got here – for what we have no idea. And I would put him developmentally on par with a 1 or 2 month old. The scary part to me is that he appeared to be getting good care in the orphanage – they were apparently feeding him every 1 1/2 hours, with one nanny dedicated to just him.
Needless to say, I am just scared out of my mind. I guess I pretty much thought we would arrive here, pick up a little boy who would be tiny for his age, who needed heart surgery, and my biggest worry would be getting him back to England so that his medical treatment could commence. Now I’m worried about that stuff (given that he’s only eating about half of what we’re giving him, which is what the orphanage told us he was getting there), but more so about what the future holds for our family – will he be mentally handicapped? What other physical problems could be going on? How on earth am I going to do this by myself while Hunky is deployed?
I don’t worry that we’ve made the wrong decision – Hunky and I both believe that God chose this child for us – but I do worry about how this will all affect O and Y? There is a reason that we were only approved to adopt a child with correctible special needs – we have 2 young boys at home, along with a husband who is gone over half the year. I just feel so naive – that we totally trusted the orphanage director when she told us all he needed was minor heart surgery – that he was otherwise fine. What would we have done if we had all the facts ahead of time – we’ll never know, and I’m sure that was part of God’s plan.
Ugh, I’m totally rambling, as well as bawling my eyes out while I write this. And I know that I sound like such a jerk – so many people that we know don’t have the opportunity to add to their family by adopting a child from Vietnam, and so many people that we know have children with sprecial needs, and every one of those children is a blessing. And Emmett is a blessing. I think I’m just grieving the loss of the child that I thought we would be bringing home, and right now having a hard time feeling the joy of this situation, because I’m so freaked out about being able to hold everything together after Hunky leaves. And its really starting to hit me that Saturday will be the last time I’ll see him before December.
Please pray – please pray that Emmett would be healed in every way, please pray for peace, wisdom, and strength for me. Please pray for patience for O and Y. Please pray for safety for Hunky. Oh, and please pray that everything else in VN and the States will go smoothly, so that Emmett and I can leave as soon as possible to get home to O and Y.