good news for others, not so good for us

This week has brought amazing baby-related news for lots of people that we know:

  • Laurie at Pho for Four FINALLY had her baby – and it’s a girl! Yay Laurie and Travis! Laurie, if you read this, I’ve been trying to wish you congratulations and can’t get the comment to load on your site.
  • Jen, at Waiting for Butterfly, FINALLY has gotten her I-600 approval. Here’s hoping for quick travel dates.
  • My IRL friend Beth FINALLY had her baby, Griffin Thomas, although you can’t see him ’cause she doesn’t have a blog (hint, hint, Beth).
  • Elaine’s (at Looking for George) husband and mom are FINALLY in Vietnam picking up Quinn. Have I mentioned that Quinn is a boy name I really like, although I know that’s only her pretend name for her newest cutie?
  • And finally, Kristin at Finding Sweetness has FINALLY gotten her referral, along with another family from our agency. We are so thrilled for them (on many different levels) and hope they can get quick I-600 approval.
  • Oh yeah, and 2 women from our squadron are pregnant

So…really good news for all these guys, and I am so happy for all of them. And 2 referrals from our agency is kind of good news for us, given that they are the first referrals our agency has had since August. They don’t really move us up the list, since I understand that they are both girls, and we have pretty much given up on the adopting a girl idea anyway. Here’s where we stand – we are now 9th in line for a girl, 3rd in line for a boy, and 1st in line for a child with special needs. Which brings us to the first of the bad news…

A couple of weeks ago, our case worker called me and told me that our agency had a potential special needs referral for us. This little boy has a bilateral cleft lip, as well as a cleft palate, and is about 3 months old. He was in the 30 day advertising period, so he wasn’t ready to be referred yet, but assuming his medical tests went ok, he would probably be our referral. So Hunky and I discussed it, decided we definitely wanted to go for it with this little boy, and waited for more information, really trying not to get our hopes up. Then, a couple of days ago, our case worker emailed us and let us know that the little boy’s mother showed up at the orphanage, with documentation that she could support him, so he was no longer available for adoption. Now…I’m not sure that means that she was going to take him back with her, or get the surgery that he needs done, or what. I have to believe that this is what it means. And Hunky and I firmly believe that the first best place for a child is with his birth parents, if that’s what the birth parents want. But of course we are bitterly disappointed, although I must have done a halfway decent job of not getting my hopes up, because I’m not totally crushed. We had both been prepared for the possibility that his medical tests might reveal more problems than we are approved to care for, so I think that’s the only saving grace about it, besides the fact that we would never, ever want to take a child from a family that didn’t freely give that child up. I think our biggest problem now is again being in the position that we may not receive a referral at all before the country shuts down.

We talked with our case worker last night, which is so frustrating, because I always get so excited about Hunky making that phone call, and we never really get any information. We asked if our agency knows of any further referrals in the pipeline – he told us that he didn’t know, but that orphanage officials are very reluctant to work with US agencies at this point, due to the behavior of the USCIS and the US State Department. So we really don’t have any hope that these 2 referrals are the beginning of a resumption of referrals for our agency.

I guess I really just don’t expect this adoption to happen for us. We asked if we should start a dossier for another country, and we advised to hold off until the Vietnamese government issues a statement as to whether they will let adoptions for in-process cases continue after the MOU expires, and how they will define in-process cases. So we’ll see. I think I may have posted this before, but maybe not: starting over at this point would really suck for us, as we’ll be moving back to the states in the summer of 09, and I just can’t see any way for us to complete an adoption before then. Of course, starting over with another country will totally suck for anyone who gets caught in the shutdown, we’re not special. Its just hard to know that we’re so close, and things may not work out.

Right now we’re just trying to focus on other stuff – getting settled back in England, getting the kids back in preschool, starting a new job for me, etc. All we can really do is pray – if God wants us to have another child, it will be the right child and time for us. And it sounds maybe crazy, but while I was having my miscarriages in between O and Y, and my best friend in Florida was pregant, along with our squadron commander’s wife, and a whole bunch of other people, I couldn’t understand why God was letting this happen to us…and then we had Y, who is very much the right child for us. So I actually find a modicum of comfort in the hard times we’ve had as a family in the past, knowing that God had a plan for us all along, and believing that He still has a plan for our family.

Okay, next time we’ll move on to more lighthearted subjects, I promise.



Filed under adoption

4 responses to “good news for others, not so good for us

  1. Christy

    Sorry to hear about the referral that did not happen. All of our adoptions are in God’s timing. We have to believe that.

  2. Jeannie

    I am so sorry to hear your disappointing news. I know you guys will have the perfect child for you — I just can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to wait so long.

    I’m sorry I didn’t get to give you a proper goodbye before I left. I called you but of course got the answering machine. Not sure if you got the message or not. Anyway, it was SO GOOD to get to see you and the boys. I’m beyond happy that timing worked out so well. I just wish I could have seen you even more.

    I hope you are adjusting well. If it makes you feel any better, it’s cold here too. 30s at night and 50s in the day. It is making me grumpy.

  3. Beth

    I’m so sorry to hear the referral news. But your perspective is so wonderful. You’re right when the time is right, it’s all going to work out.

    It was so nice to see you while you were in the U.S. We miss you guys so much! Sorry I couldn’t have Griffin sooner…so you could see him in real life! I promise I’ll get pictures online soon. And, yes, I know…I should have a blog! Maybe after we get done with the move…and this kiddo starts sleeping in longer increments. 🙂

  4. I’m glad you’re not TOO crushed by the news. That’s a really sad position to be in. I’m optimistic that Vietnam’ll allow current applications to go through, and that orphanage directors, who do have the kiddo’s best interests at heart, will heed that instruction.

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