favorite photo friday – inaugural edition

I think the favorite photo friday is a cool concept, and also a good way to post something when you can’t think of anything to say, so I’m thinking I’m gonna make it a regular feature. Today I also have something to post about, so I’ll do that too:

hangin’ out in our pajamas, taken in October 2007

I love this photo, ’cause it is associated with no occasion, just the boys hanging out before bedtime (and I know the pj tops and bottoms don’t match, which happens pretty much nightly around here).

Ok, on to other things:

So what do y’all think about us switching our gender preference from girl to either? One (of the many) reasons we decided to adopt instead of trying to have another biological child was that I wanted to have a girl. Hunky didn’t care either way, and was even a little weirded out about having a girl. The man grew up with 3 brothers, after all.  And I don’t even care about having a girl now – I’m not at all a girly-girl, and don’t even know what I would do with a girly-girl.

But I think that when our kids are all grown up and out of the house, I’ll wish that we had a girl. NOT that any of our boys were girls, but that we ALSO had a girl. A girl that would let me spend extended time with her family. A girl that would allow me to be present at the birth of her child or to go meet her child from a far away land with her. You know, a girl like me. I usually talk to my mom once a week. She spent all last summer with us, and hopefully will again this summer. She just missed seeing Y being born. If she’s not watching my kids while we travel to Vietnam, I want her to go with us. I just don’t see her having the same relationship with my brother, or that Hunky has the same relationship with his parents. Of course, I know that there are plenty of situations where a son always stays very close with his mom. I just think that in many cases, its easier for daughters to be close to their moms (for example, I know lots of women who talk to their moms every day, and that seems totally normal to me, but as a wife, I think I would find it kinda weird if Hunky called up his mom every day). Also of course, I will consider myself blessed if my kids of either gender want anything to do with me  when they grow up. Am I making any sense?

So…a dilemma. I want to have a girl, but I want to have a child more. When I think about it in my pessimistic-but-not-bad way, I think about how nobody but God knows what the future holds, and will I even be around when our kids are grown, and I think that I shouldn’t make decisions about our family based on what I hope will happen 20 years down the road. And I think that I should leave the decision of gender up to God, just like a pregnancy. However, I know that, given our place on our agency’s wait list, and what genders people are requesting who are higher on the list than us, stating either will pretty much guarantee us a boy referral.

I just don’t want to switch for the wrong reason: namely, to get a quicker referral. But, I DO want a quicker referral – I am worried (surprise, surprise, right?) about adoptions from VN shutting down, and I don’t think there’s a chance that we’d get a girl referral and I-600 approval before September, given the lack of referrals from our agency over the last 5 or 6 months. I would feel like a huge moron if we didn’t get a referral and had to start all over with another country just because we were holding out for a girl, when what we really want is more children.

Aaarrgg, there’s just so much to think about with a boy. Our plan was always to try to adopt 2 girls, so that they wouldn’t feel outnumbered by our biological children or by boys or whatever. So if we get a boy referral, will we feel like we should adopt another boy? If we adopt a boy, would he have a harder time because we have 2 bio sons, who are circumsized (we would not circumsize an adopted boy) and have a father who is 6’4″ and a mother who is 5’7″ (I don’t think its unreasonable to assume that an Asian child who spends his first 8-12 months in an orphanage might be of smaller stature)? Are these things small potatoes? I feel like the big thing that matters is that whatever child we have, we will love with our whole hearts, just like we love Y and O. But i’ve never been an adoptee, and I think that we PAPs can tend to simplify the issues an adopted person deals with because we want a child so badly.

So what do you guys think? I’m about 95% sure that I want to call our agency and tell them to switch us to either. And I’m totally assuming that it would be as easy as that to change our preference. Maybe it would be really hard to switch. If only our program director would call us back, we could find out 🙂 .

Wow, this is heavy stuff for me.

I’ll leave you with this vent: why, oh why, MTV England, would you air HALF of season 3 of The Hills, and then cut it off??? Meanwhile, everyday you show at least 2 episodes of The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica??? ummmm, we know how that one ends. Why can’t we just get MTV America to add to the 6 MTV channels we receive here? I JUST DON’T GET IT, AND I NEVER WILL. I really don’t want to have to buy season 3 of The Hills, but you’re forcing my hand here.

 

 

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6 Comments

Filed under adoption, life in england, posts with pics

6 responses to “favorite photo friday – inaugural edition

  1. Jeannie

    Why are you watching The Hills? Seriously.

    I don’t know what to tell you about switching, except that it is not wrong to ask for a girl. I think all the things you said about having a girl vs. boy is true. What’s the saying? “A boy is a son until he takes a wife. A girl is a daughter for life.” Or something like that. I think I saw it on a pillow or something. You know, where I get all of my philosophies about life. Anyway, I think there are exceptions to that, but I think it is a special experience to have both a boy and a girl. I am definitely closer to my mom than either of my brothers are. But I can understand you not wanting to miss out on a chance to adopt a child simply because you requested a girl. This is such a complicated process. I don’t think I’d have the patience to deal with it all. Honestly, you two are amazing, loving parents who have a home waiting for a child, and it takes this long?? No wonder more people don’t do it. The emotional burden of the red tape seems to be 10X the emotional burden of raising an adopted child. Jiminy Cricket!

    Oh, and on another note, I love love love the pic. They are so freakin cute!

  2. I hear ya. It enters my mind as well, which do I want more… a daughter (but in 1-2 years) or a son (but in a few months). We are requesting a girl, but I wouldn’t be surprised if we changed at some point. Unless LNI starts getting more referrals, I don’t know if we’ll ever have a child.

  3. you have some BIG decisions to sort through…i don’t envy your situations. we have the opposite scenario (having 2 girls), so we are excited that we are almost guaranteed a boy (although we stated no preference). i asked my husband if, for some reason, we had to switch countries where there was a possibility of getting a girl, would he still put no preference?! he hesitated and said yes, because it is all in God’s hands anyways (even if that means a house full of girls)!!

    if i was in your shoes…it would be a big struggle for me!! i can’t imagine having to make that decison.

    oh, and by the way, you’re missing out on season 3 of the hills!! and i’ll share a little teaser with you….the season does not end with the last episode! it is returning in a couple of months to conintue a storyline…but i won’t spoil it for you!
    ** i have managed to stop watching MTV almost completely since we have had kids….but i just can’t tear myself away from the hills and laguna!! my guilty pleasure during naptime…i heart the DVR!! **

  4. cheersyall

    Had to respond to this one: Jeannie, have you ever watched The Hills? I’m telling you, its good stuff! At least, its not as bad as Real World/Road Rules Challenges, which I totally miss now that we don’t get it here. I don’t know why I like it, I just do.

    And Angie – is Laguna Beach still on? I’ve seen seasons 1,2, and 3 (season 3 just ended here in england on stupid england MTV)…and they showed Newport Harbor, which was so not as good as Laguna, and I guess I thought that had replaced Laguna. But if there is more Laguna out there, I will find it…oh yes, I will.

  5. Beth

    Well, you know my take on girls. I really, really want one. Adopting a girl is an option we’ve talked about since we will be having our second boy soon.

    I think that you will LOVE LOVE LOVE all your children, no matter what gender, but you might have a little twinge of regret if impatience is what leads you to change your preference from girl to either. I know you are just like me…patience isn’t your best virtue. But in the end, you’ll have a daughter. Someone to have a relationship like you do with your mom.

    When people ask my why I want a daughter so much, I have so many reasons. One is to experience BOTH genders. Boys and girls are really different, from the get go. Even has babies, they really are different! Another reason is to have someone to share my “girl” experiences with. Because face it, Logan is not going to care that I breastfed him for 18 months. He’ll NEVER appreciate that. But a girl….she’d worship me once she had a child of her own! Ha! I can’t imagine Logan’s wife (wow Logan may be married one day…that’s a mind trip) wanting me in the room when they give birth to their first baby. She’ll want HER mom in the room. Same as me. I wanted my mom, not my mother in law. I want both genders for these reasons. It’ll complete the family and balance it out. I see my son, and predict that my other son will be the same, wild and crazy. Having a baby girl in the house can chill out some of the testosterone. And even better, the boys will teach a girl how to be tough and stand up for herself. Just think…if you had a girl, O and Y would protect her as she grew up. 🙂

    You have lots to consider. It’ll happen. Patience.
    Love ya!
    OH. and the picture is adorable!!!!

  6. Jen

    Hi! Sorry, long time, no visit. My husband and I started out the process with the notion that we would adopt a girl. And you mentioning your heights really struck a chord with me, because we had the exact same conversation! For us the situation is very different, because we will be first time parents. I just wanted you to know that other people out there also have these weird thoughts as they go through the process. And I also understand the longing for a girl to share that special relationship with. You better believe that NO ONE can fill my Mommy’s shoes!

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