I think the favorite photo friday is a cool concept, and also a good way to post something when you can’t think of anything to say, so I’m thinking I’m gonna make it a regular feature. Today I also have something to post about, so I’ll do that too:
hangin’ out in our pajamas, taken in October 2007
I love this photo, ’cause it is associated with no occasion, just the boys hanging out before bedtime (and I know the pj tops and bottoms don’t match, which happens pretty much nightly around here).
Ok, on to other things:
So what do y’all think about us switching our gender preference from girl to either? One (of the many) reasons we decided to adopt instead of trying to have another biological child was that I wanted to have a girl. Hunky didn’t care either way, and was even a little weirded out about having a girl. The man grew up with 3 brothers, after all. And I don’t even care about having a girl now – I’m not at all a girly-girl, and don’t even know what I would do with a girly-girl.
But I think that when our kids are all grown up and out of the house, I’ll wish that we had a girl. NOT that any of our boys were girls, but that we ALSO had a girl. A girl that would let me spend extended time with her family. A girl that would allow me to be present at the birth of her child or to go meet her child from a far away land with her. You know, a girl like me. I usually talk to my mom once a week. She spent all last summer with us, and hopefully will again this summer. She just missed seeing Y being born. If she’s not watching my kids while we travel to Vietnam, I want her to go with us. I just don’t see her having the same relationship with my brother, or that Hunky has the same relationship with his parents. Of course, I know that there are plenty of situations where a son always stays very close with his mom. I just think that in many cases, its easier for daughters to be close to their moms (for example, I know lots of women who talk to their moms every day, and that seems totally normal to me, but as a wife, I think I would find it kinda weird if Hunky called up his mom every day). Also of course, I will consider myself blessed if my kids of either gender want anything to do with me when they grow up. Am I making any sense?
So…a dilemma. I want to have a girl, but I want to have a child more. When I think about it in my pessimistic-but-not-bad way, I think about how nobody but God knows what the future holds, and will I even be around when our kids are grown, and I think that I shouldn’t make decisions about our family based on what I hope will happen 20 years down the road. And I think that I should leave the decision of gender up to God, just like a pregnancy. However, I know that, given our place on our agency’s wait list, and what genders people are requesting who are higher on the list than us, stating either will pretty much guarantee us a boy referral.
I just don’t want to switch for the wrong reason: namely, to get a quicker referral. But, I DO want a quicker referral – I am worried (surprise, surprise, right?) about adoptions from VN shutting down, and I don’t think there’s a chance that we’d get a girl referral and I-600 approval before September, given the lack of referrals from our agency over the last 5 or 6 months. I would feel like a huge moron if we didn’t get a referral and had to start all over with another country just because we were holding out for a girl, when what we really want is more children.
Aaarrgg, there’s just so much to think about with a boy. Our plan was always to try to adopt 2 girls, so that they wouldn’t feel outnumbered by our biological children or by boys or whatever. So if we get a boy referral, will we feel like we should adopt another boy? If we adopt a boy, would he have a harder time because we have 2 bio sons, who are circumsized (we would not circumsize an adopted boy) and have a father who is 6’4″ and a mother who is 5’7″ (I don’t think its unreasonable to assume that an Asian child who spends his first 8-12 months in an orphanage might be of smaller stature)? Are these things small potatoes? I feel like the big thing that matters is that whatever child we have, we will love with our whole hearts, just like we love Y and O. But i’ve never been an adoptee, and I think that we PAPs can tend to simplify the issues an adopted person deals with because we want a child so badly.
So what do you guys think? I’m about 95% sure that I want to call our agency and tell them to switch us to either. And I’m totally assuming that it would be as easy as that to change our preference. Maybe it would be really hard to switch. If only our program director would call us back, we could find out 🙂 .
Wow, this is heavy stuff for me.
I’ll leave you with this vent: why, oh why, MTV England, would you air HALF of season 3 of The Hills, and then cut it off??? Meanwhile, everyday you show at least 2 episodes of The Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica??? ummmm, we know how that one ends. Why can’t we just get MTV America to add to the 6 MTV channels we receive here? I JUST DON’T GET IT, AND I NEVER WILL. I really don’t want to have to buy season 3 of The Hills, but you’re forcing my hand here.