gender slection continued

OK, I’m back. So now that we’ve determined that I’m selfish (no surprise to my husband), I would like to know what ya’ll think about gender selection – both from those in adoption land, and those who are not. Should we be allowed to state a preference for a little girl?

I guess the question I keep asking myself is “if we could only adopt a little boy, would we still do this?” The answer is yes, but for the next adoption we’d try for a little girl again. Because I think raising sons is super fun, and I would love to have another son. I could see myself with four sons (like Hunky’s parents). But I really want to have a girl too. And its not about cute clothes or that a girl would be easier (I happen to think boys are easier). Its about the fact that, as a grown up, I’m much closer to my mom than my brother is. She makes the effort equally with all of us, but I think that its pretty common in our society for women to be closer to their parents than men. Am I totally off base? I so would like a chance to have a daughter to have a relationship with. Of course, I will try my best to be close to all of my children (and I am definitely not about guilt-tripping them to acheive this :)). And I certainly don’t think I have the “right” to a daughter, any more than I have the right to any of my children. Any child is a gift.

Of course, the whole gender question brings up the age selection and health selection questions. As for us, our homestudy approves us for 2 children, 0-3 years in age. We didn’t feel (and our homestudy worker agreed with us), that we should adopt a child older than our oldest child. But I must admit that a secondary concern was attachment issues that would be more common with an older child. As for health, we are military, which means that we have free healthcare. So we were totally prepared to adopt a child with a major or minor correctable medical or surgical condition. I don’t feel that we are prepared to parent a child with major special needs, with O and Y being so young, but then I feel like who is prepared to parent a child with major special needs. We went through a 3 week period in my pregnancy with O that the doctors thought he might have problems relating to rubella exposure. We went through a 6 week period in my pregnancy with Y when the doctor told us that Y had a heart defect, as well as a possible neural tube defect. Were we prepared to parent a child who was deaf…or a child with spina bifida? Of course not. Would we have considered terminating the pregnancies? Again, of course not. However, our social worker decided this one for us – our homestudy recommends that we adopt only healthy or minor needs children, due to our 2 other young children. But, as many before me have pointed out, its not like being referred a healthy baby ensures that child will always be disease or accident free. There are no gurantees.

OK, so that’s my rant. I thought I would add an explanation about the whole China thing, for those that don’t know. China, which has had the largest number of adoptions to US citizens of any foreign country in recent years (followed by Russia and Guatamala), changed their adoptive parent requirements in May 2007, preventing many PAPs (potential adoptive parents) from adopting from there. The current wait for a baby from China is close to 3 years.

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1 Comment

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One response to “gender slection continued

  1. We are also requesting healthy BG AYAP–it is like a minefield out there with all of these choices, but that is the right one for us. If we had gone with Ethiopia, we would have requested girl/boy siblings. Others probably wouldn’t think our reasons weren’t justifiable…but hey, it’s our family and our life.

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