Gender selection: my 2 cents and I am selfish

Anyone who has any interest in adoption related issues should check out Pho for Four (the link’s on the right), if you haven’t already. I pretty much agree with most of what she says, so if you’re looking for what my opinion would be on a given subject, only more intelligent, visit this blog. Anywho, she wrote a post about gender selection, as it pertains to Vietnam adoptions, the other day. So I commented the following:

Yet another great post, Laurie. I wish I could organize my thoughts as well as you when you decide to “rant”. Anyway, we are requesting a girl from Vietnam, because we have 2 biological sons. We are able to have more children biologically, but one (among many) of the reasons we have chosen to adopt is the chance that there is a girl out there that we could have a chance to raise. I really don’t understand those who don’t have any children preferring a girl over a boy, because I have to say that raising boys is great so far. However, I hardly feel in the position to judge anyone who requests a girl, since we’re doing the same thing, even if I feel our reasons are more valid (in my own eyes) than others. I have to admit I have felt the same frustration with people who have changed over from China, because I do feel like it is putting too great a strain on the system in Vietnam, thereby encouraging corruption. I get a little panicky whenever a see a string of new members on APV. Again, though, I don’t feel in any position to judge other’s reasons for choosing Vietnam, as our choice was based not only on a love for the country but also what country’s program worked best for our family situation. After all, if the wait wasn’t sooooo long for China, we may have decided to adopt from there despite the fact that we didn’t really like the country or culture as much as Vietnam’s, just so we could be assurred of a girl referral.

And so later on, someone else commented that perhaps some of the worry about all the people who have switched over from China to Vietnam stems from selfish reasons, such as an increased wait time for a referral or that the overload of people would threaten my adoption. Well, I have to say that this person is….right. Some of my concern about the great number of people who have come to Vietnam adoptions from China is that the resulting corruption will threaten my adoption – that the US will shut down Vietnam adoptions again. I personally don’t worry that much about my own wait time for a referral increasing, because our agency is pretty small, and because the fact that we don’t live in America and Hunky’s schedule have provided the roadblocks to finishing our dossier so far, not any other people, and because I really do think that the timing of our referral is in God’s hands. But the point is, I do have selfish motives here. We really do want to adopt a child from Vietnam. It’s not really for altruistic reasons that we want to adopt – despite the fact that people tell us what good people we are for wanting to adopt (what a laugh, I know). I’d like to think that when this whole process is over, and after hopefully we have a child(ren) home, we will still be advocates for ethical adoptions. But for now, yeah, I’m concerned about corruption in Vietnam adoptions partially for selfish reasons. So kudos to that commenter for making me think about my baser motives.

So, gender selection. What do ya’ll think? I’m pretty sure most people reading this are our friends and family, who haven’t adopted….wait, O is yelling for me from his room, gotta go.

to be continued…


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